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Old 01-23-06, 01:38 PM   #4
Po' Wit.
All these Dead Presidents
 
Posts: 657
From: Ole' Harrisburg Pa
IP:

mm mm mm. Nothing like a good dinner. There are so many ways for me to critique this.. How do I go about doing it though?

The vision of lonliness in this piece is awesome. The whole talking to yourself brings out the lonliness and almost makes you feel your pain/sorrow. Which leads to having wonderful imagery. Everything here was imagery for the most part. Running to get salt, talking to emptiness, (or was it a doll?). The story line in itself was nice, and you really brought it out with the emotion. "I really wish you would have come." That, I thought at first, you had restated too many times, but when I re-read the piece, it chymes in and fits the piece nicely.

All-in-all I really have nothing bad to say about the piece. Other than, China Dolls are a bit scary and stupid, but hey, thats just a personal opinion. Good writing bro' and I'm anticipating your next piece.
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