shodown: you approached the topic in a somewhat predictable way but it was nicely written nonetheless. I like how you express the emotion, the overall scene in an interesting, captivating manner. The flow was good, some lines were a bit stretched though. I saw you were using some assonances and alliterations which was a good add-on. The word choice was okay, could've been better here and there. It progressed nicely though, good piece!


.:~SoldieR~:. I thought the topic was nice and could've been used in several ways. Yours was interesting but I feel like you should've added more details to it. It seemed as if you rushed the piece and in the beginning the transition didn't go as smoothly as I hoped it'd be. The flow was good though, had a good narrative pace to it. Word choice was good as well. Solid!

My vote goes to shodown because I feel he added more details to his piece but it was a close battle for sure!

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