Hm, this felt more like a brief write up of pholosophies written in poetry form rather than just a poem. The whole time you were giving advice to the reader rather than tapping into YOUR real emotions. I dunno, so it really wasnt my style being as it lacked alot of nessisary emotion and imagery. But this is only your first... Keep reading other peoples poems to pick up techniques and then keep practising writing and applying the things you learn.