Topically you killed the topic... (meaning you stuck it well)... Lyrically you had good vocab in this... but you really lacked internal rhymes.. (there is no rule in hip~hop that states just rhyme at the end of the line... you can and should rhyme with-in as well) it makes for a better read, better flow, and it just alround gives you more options and outlets to go with on your cadance... Also you should try to do a full 16 bars... per verse... ya verses were good but short...

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