honestly after reading on eof your battle verse I expected this to be a lot better... it just wasn't very witty... there are no outstnding sections in this or stand alone lines... there's nothing that really pulls me in and makes me feel this... it's not very descriptive as to what's going on... it coulda been a lot more vivid... and considering all of the lines you used it really shoulda been... Just about every rhyme can be predicted... there's nothing really compelling in this... the rhyme scheme is kinda flat... you got your thoughts across but you didn't do it in an entertaining sytle... over all this was aight but it coulda very easily been a blaze piece considering the emotion the topic should envoke... nice try

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