both were kinda iffy on their topics....didn't get into both, sorrow, you coulda made it seem a little more like, its a pain whenever you write, because you do it alot, or you don't do it enough....but its sweet cause its your pleasure in life....didn't think you hit up that perspective well as you could've, but still, it was good....judicial...i really didn't like your piece...i know it was emotion, had a deep message...but that shits been written to death, been done to death...just boring to keep reading about that kind of shit, like, i want something interesting to keep my attention caught for the whole piece....plus, i really didn't like some of your lines...it seemed like you would try and be poetice and deep, but then you'd have a corny line right after...like, you're trying to make people feel the emotion and hurt and whatever you feel....try avoiding uneccessary swearing, or metaphors that don't really suit the direction you want to take....example "eating you up like cannabalistic dishes"...that didn't suit your whole piece at all...anyways

v/the sorrow, his was better

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