the first stanza is dope, but it could be worded better, and used metaphorically...for example, "My inability to change has left my watch broken"........this isn't the best example..but it is an example...dope idea though..i like it...


and i'm done reading, i really like the idea, it's a dope concept..original, well said in some parts, not so well said in others...your originality and expression is on point...but you could make 10 times better just be wording things better, a good example of this is the saying..."less is more" a lot of the things you said seemed repetitive, and sometimes repetitive is important, but not in this case, you could have cut that in half with some different metaphors and such, and it would have been a lot said, in a short poem...in fact..i bet you could even turn this into a haiku...but none the less..your on the right track....and this was pretty good...good work..don't forget to leave two links...

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