this was an original concept right here i dont think i read one like this before.

however your rhyme scheme was pretty basic. try to elevate by adding more imagry and definitely by tryna throw in some internal rhyme.

as far as somethin that kinna stood out id prolly say
"i could eat the whole thing shit i felt i was starving
fuck taco bell or burger king country kitchens my garden"
multisyllable rhymes keep the reader inerested

"but enough of the chatter enough of the typing
im still alive another 20 minutes and i might not be"
i wasnt feeling these last two lines though, i dont think it was a strong enough ending and the rhyme scheme wasn't there.
keep it up tho..

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