You had a down to earth concept, and I can always vibe to that shit. Your content was dope and very straitfoward and the opening was a perfect set up for your verse. Your mechanics could use some improvement though, you should try incorporating more multies n shit, and your flow could be polished a bit more. Also, try and keep monosyllabic rhymes to a minimum, adding more syllables to rhyme sounds can make a verse 10x doper, it just takes a concious effort to improve them. Return the favor?
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=227503