U have got something but I keep losing the emotions when I have to go back
to try and understand what it is your trying to get at...

The start didn't really make sense to me,...

a kid so far gone in exsistense he is considerd a ghost.
another kid who lost everything but the pistol smoke.
**What do u mean ! he's lost everything but the pistol
some what r u getting at ?**

its a joke, family to him was never a reality.
he is a book with no pages and very little sanity.
no future to be told, no history to be said.
an emotionless home that was said to be dead.
**Fucking dope this is more like the writing I should
be seeing from you now your more then capable of it**
Great flow with the inner from the opening 2 lines,.. Vocab
was nice but could still be improved,.. emotions nice ^^^^

in hs head he knows wuts real and wuts not.
he takes wut he needs but leaves wut hes got.
**In his head he knows what's real and whats not
He takes what he need's but leaves what hes go,...
Please write correctly,.. It puts me off you u spell things
in this way !! I wasn't gonna drop feed,.. but I didn't like
this bar it seems like a filler and the flow was really basic
Got and Not come on Scanz***
his thoughts, emotiones, feelings... he is dead inside.
just another lonely kid dreaming about suicide.
***Dopeeee Kid,.. nice flow, vocab hard hitting statement.***
he crys, amongst the world's shoulders trying to calm his fear
since the day this kid was born he waas only lead to tears.
***Nice could have come a little more complex,.. try uping you
vocab it will help you writing a lot but this was nice fans....

day after day, year after year, he felt no emotion.
his head and feelings are more vast then the ocean.
***favorite bar !! just the close feelings more VAST
the the Ocean see !! thats dope vocab something
minor like the word Vast makes a bar think about it !!!***

no potion could cure no scientist could help operate.
this is a kid that no docotor could posible alterfate.
*** U do mean alter fate right ? if no thats not a word
alterfate !! sort it out fams proof read before you drop
open mics... this was all right seen better...***


what to do whne the world crushes your soul.
when a demon comes and just swallows u hole.
***Simple but it works bit of a filler again but its
kind better then the other one ! no you spelt When
wrong !!! ***
no family for help, and where are your friends?
WELCOME to the life when ur soul becomes dead.
*** U fucked this !! it was well decent and the end
don't even rhyme !! please explain ??? ***

Overall this was pretty decent if you spent an extra
ten minutes just checking that eveything is spelt right
this would have been one of your best drops !!!

I tell you what your next open mic pm me and I will help
u out elevate what ever u wanna call it,.. your better then
this...

Holla at me

1~