i like how in the beginning it already alludes to how you commit suicide with "trip and fell, over a 9mm barrel shell". in the beginning personally you were able to catch my attention, especially wit the lines

"how can u tell when ur life has gone to the shits.
maybe when u dropin none stop, but none of them r hits.
it fits, and its wierd how karma loves to put u down.
u do somethin good for a change and get put underground.
i found out that the harder u try the more u get pulled in.
like quick sand when u strugle, my hits are broken records on a spin.
no one listens, and dont give the time to pay attention.
maybe cus i have no emotion in a broken home of no effection."

i think those lines generically can get anybody hooked in this piece because we've all expirienced at least one of those emotions.

there was some mad emotion here, good job going through your storyline on how your family was half gone and how people dont care about you. ur closing was good too, u had a good choice of words from beginning to end

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ASSIMILATED CONCEPTZ