Originally Posted by Pensive

I wont comment on text, as I dont do it really, and don't want to point you in the wrong direction.

However your topical is fairly basic. I noticed you use an aa/bb rhyme scheme, and that isnt bad but its boring. Your subject matter isnt very appealing either. It isnt very interesting. It flows well, but like I said its very basic. Try adding in a few multies, mixing up the wordplay... dont be so basic.

A few pointers to help you but as it stands I would have to pass on you joining the fams my man.

Peace.