For your first, very well done. It was kind of off, how one verse would rhyme completely, while the next would not. I like the word usage, they paint a picture while telling the story at the same time. You definitly have potential. This poem reminds me of things I have from back in the day.
Favorite part:
Quote:
impaired to a vision unclear
and developed to a loop thats over-looped.
switched taste of fragrance, dear:
im sorry to tell you i over-looked.
deleted memory so it seemed
the voices of others stating there opinions.
teared river streams,subtle teen
at the age of 17, devils deminion.
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If all the verses were strong like this one it would get a 10/10. I'll kindly give you a 7/10.
Check out my stuff I'll be dropping. I'm new here but not new to writing whatsoever. I love feedback.
