Thread: The Squander
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Old 06-04-06, 05:31 PM   #5
SkaNdaLuz
Banned: Biting
 
Posts: 13
From: Myrtle Beach, SC originally from South Jerzee/Philly, PA
IP:

The story was cool, it had a twist and I like that.

This was my favorite part...

Eduction and a bright future, always voted most likely to succeed
Heart of a champ, even had the will to teach a blind kid to read/

This was my least favorite part...

She took part in an abusive marriage, where she learned how to grip the nine
Killed a man and her life was ruined, like glued murders she sticked[should be stuck] to crime/

You used "sticked" to force the multi. Forced multi's = not good.

Overall it was aight. Keep writin'.
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