EXACTLY i want ta keep writing i hate ta quit but i have ta if i dont want ta write anything thats forced...everything i try ta write i like lose my motivation wit in less than like 5 lines that arent even that good cuz i aint got the soul ta push myself like i used to...

a loss of motivation really makes me question whether im really cut out for what im tryin ta do since i cant get myself ta do it like i used to...
but i know im serious about it and i know what im goin through is just a stage
i just have ta clear my life of all the depression and make my life seem more like a life and not so empty

what i mean by empty is i feel like there's NOTHING going on in my life
like i said i aint got NOBODY ta turn to for anything...
no friend, no girlfriend, no brother or sister, no family
and my parents are the most stubborn ignorant non-understanding parents i've ever met in my whole entire life so i cant depend on them
ta guide me through life by what i see in my parents i have a
clear understanding that my parents have less of a understanding on life
than i do...my parents will NEVER be understanding
like i said before i been in my house by myself for 7 MONTHS (not including school which i got kicked out of anyways)
i dont have anybody ta just kick it wit as far as rhymes and shit
and i could keep goin on....i feel like i have nothing going for me and nothing ever will be..thats what i mean by being empty..is having nothing

i dont mean ta make my life seem so gloomy but thats what been keepin me down in life...and i dont know how ta fix it...i dont get excited bout shit no more like i used to, i dont get scared or happy or anxious, i dont get motivated like i used to..feels like i been bored for an eternity
how am i ever gon feel like anything is worth it if thats what sorrounds me?

in this town there's only a library a few gas stations a department store, family video a few restaurants and other regular town shit...aint like the city where there places i can go ta fullfill my dream..if i had a studio or local radiostation i could go to or a place where i can do some shit live
or have a school that had plays and shit i could feel more fulfilled
but there aint nothing here and i cant go no where cuz i aint got a license
and i cant get my license cuz i failed every class but one in 9th grade and failed 3 classes as of last year..so my insurance would be sky high.
and i have ta pay for everything my driving tests, temps, car, insurance, gas
and i have a job im lucky ta get a day in a week ta work which pays me 5.50 an hour and i got nothing saved for a car..and my parents wont take me anywhere cuz its just a crazy unrealistic dream to them...so how can i get anywhere else?? i cant