Sounds like me when I was younger. I witnessed trauma since I was 3 (first witnessing my mom being abused) and traumatic experiences didn't stop there, I'd be witnessing things from people dying, to violence, witnessing a rape, having guns pulled on me, and much much more as I grew older and older. I fucked up a lot in school because of that pure untamed inner fury day in and day out. Counselors gave up on me and my Highschool psychiatrist diagnosed me as manic depressive and exhibiting traits consistent with multiple personality disorder. I didn't tell her that I attempted suicide twice.

In later years, I gained the introspection of what caused me all that anger. Restriction and the frustration of being completely misunderstood and mis-commmunicated to. I had felt limited, like I can't make any progress and that life would consistently give me a raw deal, or flat out no deal at all. There were no opportunities, nothing. You feel like there's no way out of somehting you're way too deep into, and you have no control over your life. The only satisfaction I got out of life was knowledge. It was the one thing that was truely mine.

Then one day, I realized that frustration and anger were products of a perception of inability and limit. I stripped away those limitations by empowering my self through books that charged the inner me, the real me, with my own positivity and what's important to me and with the energies that I needed to grow and become who I needed to become. And that's when I put that beast to sleep. I also saw that the trials of my life before that point had served to make me wiser and more powerful than I could have possibly imagined.

By no coincidence, it's also when I put Doomsday to sleep and emerged as Apexx.

I tell you this, not to lay down strips of my own life, but hopefully to illustrate how someone who was in the same situation you're in took their destiny into their own hands and became a completely different person. Hopefully with this awareness, you'll find your own path and take the steps that are right for you to become who you really should be.

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