first thing I noticed was rhyme scheme. its simple, its not apparent and it doesnt do your talent justification.

I feel your above this level of writing, but just need to put more time effort and general care into what your writing.


Think of more original topicvs, then bring a mind blowing original approach to it.This peice was bits of selfglorification with a mix of fake gangster talk.

text topical should be deep meaning full peices with nice twist's meta's, rhymes and imagery.

Try using multis, your rhymes are end rhyme and very simple, with a exception of a couple of spots.

Start a line with a descriptive word, adds imagery and emotion into your peice and will generally make it more enjoyable for the reader:

let me tamper with part of your drop and show you what i mean;

Ariculatly blindley never see me walking... i be with crazy whip's like am back on that slave-shit
maticulously look in my eyes an see pain from with-in
and if u deases, the sickness is cuff'in u can only view from with-in
prodominently dag take a min to understand at my situation, where do i begin
still born fetus reflects my life.. like a breathing game if i see another day to me thats a WIN(d)


See how a simple descriptive word, or a switch up in the imagery can add alot more interest to a peice.

Stay dropping and elevating bro.