ehh

your problem is oversaturation. you need to get a nice basic grasp of english again

this vocabulary is surprising (i can read it, but how many other people do you think can?)

i liked it because the concept is concrete

insert imagery, detail it less with words but more with emotion

meaning...cut as many 100 buck words as you can for the sake of the reader's input.

you have a good knowledge of what to say, make it so much simpler and you will get more feed, i'm sure.

peace

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70 page spirals
pens
mind

you wanna get better at this, read.