THis piece was ok. like Nick said it had a lot of emotions and real life behind it. You explained wat was going on really well, but you should describe things more deeply in order to get the readers into your world. slow the down the turn of even to a few lines and how you delt with em so we can really see wats going on. You already got the basics of rhyming down, you just need to add a bit more story telling to it and you'll be more fiya.
I give ur piece a 6.5/10. thats not bad so dont trip, I just dont like to give high scores to much unless its Super ill feel me.
Keep droping pieces. next time put links in ur sig to advertise it and you'll get more feed then u would if you just wrote it and left it there gauranteed.

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figure I could drop by and promote my my first mixtape and what not since im here..