Okay.. Time for some feedback!! This was a very long read, but after a couple of your stanza's I got into it.
Topic: The topic is one of truth, and you can never complain with those kinds. You spoke on what you believed and made great points. You took the topic and ran with it.
Flow: Your flow was above mediocre. In some spots it was on point but in others it was sketchy. Work on counting syllables, it helps alot. For the most part though, your flow didnt take away from this piece so thats good. But it also didnt make it outstanding, so still something to improve on.
Vocabulary: At the beginning it seemed like you forced big words into the piece right away. But by the middle it seemed natural and not overly used. You used the right words in the right spots and it all made sense, so good. Just try to let the words come naturally instead of forcing big words into the picture.
Multi's: There weren't many. But they aren't required in any piece. So not having alot of them doesnt make your piece bad. Try to have some in there to accent your flow. It will really impress the reader.
Storyline: You stuck to the topic throughout. No complaints here. You did an excellent job in this aspect too.
Overall: This piece was great. You definantly handled the topic well and succeeded in making something ill. Very few complaints from me in this piece. Just watch out with the vocab usage and you should be good. Take this advice and work on it.. you'll get amazingly better. Oh, and try not to re-use phrases in your piece (political puppets).. it throws the reader off. I think this could be HoF material. Props on such a dope drop.. I really enjoyed reading it.
Hit up this and return the favor..
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=232216