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Old 02-17-03, 05:50 AM   #10
LaRyan Shabaz
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Posts: n/a
Unhappy Okay...

IP:

A'ight. I'll vote on this one. You can deny my vote since I'm a newbie, like both of you. I expect most will be about as hyped to drop comment on this battle as Dashskit was to be part of it: Not very.

CS had a solid start.

masterful flow minimum articulation//
you can't seem educated like a down syndrome conversation//
ya flow watered down like beer condensation//
im a young cat that's hot diaper dandy like dick vitale commentatin//
me garbage? ignorant stipulation//
you nice? bad critical imitation//
new rhymes? lyrical innvovation//

Flow gets hurt by inequality in length especially bar 4.
But it snapped, I like Q&A.
But, sometimes shit doesn't make sense to me.
What the hell is doing minimal articulation?
Why does Dashskit have ocean front property?
And why would the sun lost make him seem hot?
Maybe I'm slow with it, but you lost somebody there.
Why's Ms. Cleo's question "rhetorical"?...
You finished with something good, and that helps.
Although I just though of:
Yao Ming ain't Chinese (tightens, keeps up with the b-ball)
Sonny Bono don't hit trees

But, you probably hate me anyways, so I won't suggest lines.
There is some repetition I'd rather not see.
Hot and garbage. Double time.

Hey. Hot Garbage...

D@ShSkiT!

Just playing, but here I go.

There's a, ah, lack of rhyming.
The wordage on your first/second bar, whatever you block it off as (since there's not much rhyming it's hard to tell!), is not bad.
It doesn't flow, but it makes sense.

Dashskit don't care if you a young cat, I serve you Anyway like Lack of chicken in a Chinese Resterant/

What the hell is this about lacking chicken?...

and tha chances of you spittin hot Like Mj wit a nigga nose waking up back black doin tha moonwalk!!/

Are you pronouncing walk --> wack?
Otherwise why not: like MJ waking up back black wit a nigga nose doing tha moonwalk, on tippy-toes.

You recycle Ya Bittins more den ya Spit 1 Liners, Rubbing Dem Chop STICKS Tha Closest you getting ta Being associated with fire/

Probably your best line. Rhymed. But rip fucking "associated" out of there. Mucks up the whole GD thing.

And we know what Brail is, you don't have to tell us about the blind students. If it was there for flow, cool. But we know damn well it wasn't part of a rhyme scheme.

"ain't sinking in like Dike's Humpping"
That shit made me laugh. Good line.

Last line was a composed thought. But lyrically influent.

"fuck iT............................."

Cool!

So, I thought Dashskit had some clever word...play?
But you need to play with words a lot more than you do.
Make them rhyme and match in time.
Take it easy... Compose some freestyles when you're less "angry" and make sure your shit rhymes:
And you will get better.

But for now, ChoPs-Sticks will have to get my vote.
Keep on keepin' on yall.
Damn.