|
Guest
|
IP:
The flow was tight, but the rhyme scheme was way off dunny. Half the bars didn't rhyme with the ones they were supposed to rhyme with...for example:
In my head there is just silent screams… violent dreams// (A)
At times it seems like life is outta my hands// (B)
And bein’ successful is sometimes outta my plans// (B)
Just tryin’ to live, dyin’ to give a reason for my existence// (C)
Because right now I feel lost, thoughts tossed back and fourth//(D)
Sometimes you go down that road, that you ain’t ready to explore// (D)
A good rhyme scheme should go:
(A)
(A)
(B)
(B)
An even better oen goes:
(A)
(A)
(A)
(A)
(B)
(B)
(B)
(B)
the "A"s rhyme, and all the "B"s rhyme, thats a rhyme scheme, work on that, and you should have Open Mic on lock dunny....
Holla......
P.E.A.C.E.
P.S. Return the favor please.....thank you.
|