I liked this one... this was nice. Just a few pointers... try to avoid using too many -ions in a row like you did at the beginning of the piece. What you did was fine. Sometimes it won't turn out that way though. Oh, and there is one rhyme...

'cause the the outlook on the future at the moment is pitiful/
so ill remain in the dark like a phantom and keep invisible/'

I think it would've been that much iller if you replaced "keep" with "remain"... Keep elevatin'... Peace...