yo what up man, you this was pretty short man, usually u be writing alot...
you man this sounds like a love letter... lol
Anyway for a consept like this it had some good emotion, it makes for good poetry, and since this is what this forum is about, I'll say this was a pretty good piece, rhymes were descent and so was the wordplay, but since in poetry its more about the messege involved... you pulled it off pretty well...

Aight then man, I'm out peace