yo man i liked your over all messege, some lines didn't really rhyme to me... but you said you did'em to sound with a jamaican accent so maybe they rhyme if I'd hear'em that way...
YO man the pace of the flow was nice, I'm give you that, ther rhymes had a good messege, the wordplay wasn't that good...
Straight man, peace...
Oh yeah, i like this rhyme the most, it's simple, but the it's still nice...
"gangs shooting passers by as they try to run
nowadays you need drink and fights to have fun?"