Lmao...you're fucking stupid. My style:
Quote:
He winks; his undulating eyelids resemble the exoskeleton of a clam, and a pearl resides within;
each choreographed movement pirouettes him across the sunken land of a parched Michigan…
he tells me this used to by earthly residence; his cloven hooves click tattoos on the cobblestones.
“Have I told you the meaning of life?” he queries, assisting me in my determined hobble home.
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Nice inference. I just want to know, what does an amethyst have to do with anything? What does rheology have to do with abortion? Maybe it takes a genius to decipher what an amethyst, instead of say, a topaz, has to do with abortion. Just explain a few lines to me. Not everything I write is emotional, pal:
Quote:
I claimed the trees were yellow; they claimed they were not,
crushing my honest minority under a juggernaut of thoughts.
I caught moonlight in my palm, devoured the liquid crimson,
(but Hades, you’re crazy, absa-tutely, you must be kidding…)
Can we mathematically define pink as truly quite pink?
B + l + u + e.
Look mommy I did it.
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Doesn't have a lot to do with emotion, and it's not like I'm trying to confuse the reader by throwing out words like malfeascence and rheology. Don't presume that you know anything about my
style just because your poem is a bland attempt at coming off as smart. Do you want to read a poem where you have to constantly flip through a dictionary to understand what the fuck was going on? I stopped reading four lines in, and then just pulled out the dictionary and began critiquing.
Here, post this on writingforums.com or any other site with actual writers, and not hobbyists like RV and other people on the 'rap board open mic scene'. They'll tell you the same thing.
The piece I posted above has to do with the TOPIC. Everything I said in my poem isn't an attempt at sounding smart, it advances the topic in an arguably understandable way that is still arguably enjoyable to read. What I was writing about was how no man can truly said what color is what, because what is red to my eyes may be blue to you. So how could we say what God is? People say He/She is black or white or a man or a woman. The other half of the poem describes how you can't reach a conclusion by having two separate points of view, because two halves equals three-forths. If you keep adding halves, and carrying the one, you'll never be able to reach a single whole. (one half + one half = the first half is half, and then the second half would be a build-up off of that half, which would make it half of the half, which equals one-fourth).
I am by no means a writer who promotes toddler-esque vocabulary...I want complex vocabulary that actually makes sense. I know a good, understandable, provocative poem when I see one. It doesn't have to be able a man falling to his knees and crying at God about him taking his wife. None of my poems are like that. So accept the criticism and shut the fuck up.