This is cool,cause its real shit from you. Not made up candy ass bullshit., this is your emotions of how your feeling bout you Ma's man.

ok, main problem I faced with this is simplcity, if i was you Id up my covab and try to get your point across without actually saying what you mean.
Come at the concept from a diffrent angle. read some other open mics, such as the featured open mic (top of open mic forum) and youll get what i mean by coming froma diffrent angle.

Also with your vocab one thing I suggest is to start your lines off with a describing word, this will add alot more emotion...

Example:

Your original bar..
my ma's gullable ur just an old man thats horny
u'll be in the hospital if i dont make u feel sorry


How I would of worded it using a descriptive word at the start..
ignorantly my ma's gullable ur just an old man thats horny
rapdily u'll be in the hospital if i dont make u feel sorry


You can also add more desriptive words in the middle of the bar to add on to the starting emotion.
Also, spell everything correctly bro, just makes your peice more thought out.
So yeh, basically, take time, edit words , switch certain words up with more vocab filled words, and you will be a solid writer bro.
I enjoyed this cause it came from your heart.
Stay dropping, good looks on those links aswell.

-Peace-