good concept, would make a ok verse and it works as a topical peice.
Vocab is highly lacking bro, switch up the rhyme scheme a bit would add more interest, drop some half bar multis in it.
To add more imagery start each line off with a describing word. Instead of "my" Im" "still" use things like, basically, quickly, eratically, stongly blisfully. nah mean?! adds mro emeotion and imagery and sets up the bar alot more.

Dcenet verse though, enjoyed the read. Bu tfeel strongly you could of came through with alot more emotion, try adding twists at the end of your peice aswell