This was kind of nice...

...i mean i liked how you tried to approach it...it had a certain element of raw depth to it...

...like you were trying to explore the inner depths of your 'soul' and/or 'mind'....

...but i felt it was on and off...and at times lacked flow...no not rhyming...but flow of continuity and well, smoothness...er...well something like that...

but on the other hand, it had moments of real power, and at times allowed the reader to really get into it...

...respect...