OK, the matrix is actually a pretty good analogy for this situation.

Right now I am faced with a decision in my life.

Red pill: I can choose to escape the illusory world we all live in, but fail to see. Drift about with nowhere to be, but with strong determination in everything I do. Live in true reality, but unlike in the matrix there is no suffering there. This is a kind of existence I couldn't possibly comprehend from within the illusory world, which is probably why this decision is necessary in the first place... Because a lot must be given up, you don't know what you will get back for your sacrifices... You don't know "how deep the rabbit hole goes." In escaping from the delusion, though, I will probably be able to function very well in the normal world... Basically controlling my universe and being in heaven.

Blue pill: I can choose to live a normal life... Party for years, find a steady career, settle down with a wife and have kids, raise them, have a mid life crisis, get old, then die. If I ignore the truth and reality, this is more or less an average existence, and is quite empty and theres a lot of shallowness and suffering involved. But shallow pleasures are so pleasurable... I like doing drugs, I like having sex, It's hard to even realize that I am being controlled by the external world, and I can assume acting like I have no control and just live out this drama. Sometimes I might function well, others I might have trouble... I would be oscillating between heaven, hell and purgatory. This is definitely the more socially acceptable path, as red pill people are so hard to find.

At first red pill looks more appealing, but I find myself wanting to cling to the illusions that give me comfort in this existence. Even though no comfort is needed, I am attached to the illusions. To suddenly face reality would probably be an unimaginable bliss, but because of my attachments I can't quite take the leap of faith for fear of losing what I "think" I need, and having the feeling that reality would be bad. So just choose the illusory world, you might say... But I've been living that way for years, and seeing things the way I see them now I feel like im just waiting around for death.

Its like im in a waiting room with everyone else in the world, and theres a secret door ive found that says "members only" and its eating me up inside because I want to know whats behind that door. Most others in the room just wait around then die because what theyre waiting for never comes, but this door is the key to having a dope wait. In the secret room is everything, ever, that is so good, but from my perspective I can't see into it!

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