i don't think it's necessarily the way those punches are worded, i think it's more the punches in general, you have to really try to get a punch that is just clear and easy to get across. some of those are too vague regardless of how they're worded.

Feeble pretty much nailed the wording for that last one, sometimes it just takes a simple flip of the concepts inside the line to make it more natural.

but anyways,

Dime a silly fagget, next mag see what you really rated
After this ko, you can join my first week, and be crime affiliated

Musta had a time lapse, in the 80's you wouldn't rhyme wack
The mags off, I squirt in a bitch eye, and I beat a dime bag


these lines here, number 1 i really don't know what you're trying to say here. i'm not sure if there is something to do with a battler named crime or criminal or something like that, but it's unclear and there's no reference so it's kind of a risk.

2nd one just sounds random man, you squirt a bitch in the eye.. ok got that, then you beat a dime bag? it's just not clear pretty much.

before you work on wording, work on getting concepts down that you know people will understand, THEN work on making them sound natural.

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DOHpe.

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