View Single Post
Old 12-15-06, 07:41 AM   #10
TEF
Flyweight
 
TEF's Avatar
 
Posts: 117
IP:

Hoes quick to turn U down unless the ladies bezeerk
Cuz chicks aint doing OT like they too lazy to work
^GOOD PUNCHLINE
I speak ether, while this guy be weaker
Cuz we all know Octo puss like sea creatures
^MIGHT BE A LIL PREDICABLE VERSES HIM BUT SINCE I NEVER
SEEN EITHER ONE OF YOU, I GUESS IT’S ALRIGHT



Vs


ya bitch wanna holla B,fuck it,tell her just swallow me/
duck ock,when i bust shots. cuz ima pen a trait,like 'describing facial quality'**//
^COULD BE WORDED SMOOTHER BUT I LIKE YUR CONCEPT


v/ Ali G

Oct aside from what words said about the (//) < Stuff at the end of your bars, don’t explain your wordplay and
Punches at the end of the verse, Either people gon’t get it or they won’t but explanions make you look like a
Newbi and is frowned apon like swaying. Continue to keeep good concepts and wordplay like you seem to have but shorten some of those bars after the set up, even them up a lil cause your followthru bars look hella streched.. N.E wayz Ali had one more quote than you did. Keep elevating fellas.
__________________
  Reply With Quote