Top Punches



All this shit was gold like Lindt chocolate.

26) you won't get far, you need to realize that this is not your environment
because after DTH read your verse he implemented a minimum ability requirement – Grams

25) Even your girl knows me...man, she's the craziest hoe
I gave her all 10 digits,
& I don't mean the reg. 7 plus the area code – Phil Benjamin

24) ur a cockriding ho. when i win it won't leave ya rattled
cause we all know you want hens. . .& i don't mean to battle – Te Ora

23) Hoes quick to turn U down unless the ladies bezeerk
Cuz chicks aint doing OT like they too lazy to work – Ali G vs. Otto Octavius

22) I'm responsible for ur drop in the ranks... I got something to prove
Your Nothing to me... and we all know Ace got Nothing to Lose – Ace Heratoga

21) This is vet speak, the future of the league's been set geek
Kempo told me to clean the trash out...
... AKA, don't expect a battle next week – DaTrusHurtz

20) I speak ether, while this guy be weaker
Cuz we all know Octo puss like sea creatures – Ali G vs. Otto Octavius

19) if you think ya winning..ha..grab ur lips and pray
I'll be so quick to muzzle'em, they'll call me the newest religion craze – Phil Benjamin

18) ya sporting an old style, that garbage ain't right, clown
you scared of going with the current, cause ya might drown – Comedian

17) Your girls a beast man, a fat bitch is all she equals
Cause we've both got Jaws... but she's got 3 sequels – Appocolyptik

16) see, i'm everything you're not and can son this hoe
i'm a fucking living legend... and, well you're none of those - Comedian

15) this murderous parapgrah is juss in the wrath of a path
cuz him winning is a stretchhhhh...Dhalsim in street fighter couldn't grab – Roger Glocks

14) Twelve n' Five? Damn, that ain't half bad, shit dude
Ur rec could challenge Roger Maris
... 62% of ur wins are through bitch moves – DaTrusHurtz

13) This Illiterate wangsta! Education? This fella will need it
If Cops throw the book at him, He’ll be ok unless they tell’em to read it – TEF

12) I murder'd this kid 3 times already, he's acting stupid
not even Hulk Hogan has ripped a T as much I keep doing it – Roger Glocks

11) Yeah you got whored by Fletcher, he made your pain exquisite
So you're just like Christmas presents...
...And always get dropped whenever Nick pays a visit – Appocolyptik

10) ur a fag. and u'll never run the league, it's tru
kempo's preference was b-boys. & ur peference b-boys too – Te Ora

9) You can thank bad eyesight for ya girl cuz it all equates.
Hindsights 20/20.. aka the vision she WISHED she had when she 1st saw ur face. – John Hensley vs. Nick Fletcher

8) App couldn’t serve me if he was a waiter- he’s a hilarious guy
He gets alotta hot-tips, tho…cause Apple fuck n e American Pie! – Joe Native

7) Ya name is pure irony. considerin' it's christmas time now.
As far as the ranks go..
.. this Nick doesn't need cookies, milk OR a chimney to slide down. – John Hensley vs. Nick Fletcher

6) I'll have you mauled here son, and voters'll be so glad
'Coz we'll see H bomb so hard, Hiroshima won't feel so bad – Nick Fletcher vs. John Hensley

5) U left RV for a few months, but no one missed u queer
I'm facin' the Great Houdini...
... expose him for biting, and he disappears – DaTrusHurtz

4) Clint Eastwood movies even prove that you're gettin too lucky.
Cuz im the good, ur the bad.. n' it's a tie between u and ya bitch for the ugly. - John Hensley vs. Nick Fletcher

3) I'm eager to brawl, I brought weapons 'n' all.. but pistols won't be bared
'Coz if I pulled out Glocks.. history shows that John'll run scared – Nick Fletcher vs. John Hensley

2) your shit outta luck, now he's trying to say he fucks muff
when his penis is a bachelor pad, it's in serious need of a womens touch – Roger Glocks

1) ^^With ya sex shit, the pedephiles got the same plan but its gettin hectic.
You sneak into a house, offer kids somethin from your sack.. n' then get arrested. – John Hensley vs. Nick Fletcher

Bitch of the Week



I ain’t talkin’ girls when I say there were a few bitches this week. Now, I almost gave this to Format for taking the no-show win against Sonny Dimebags when Sonny posted 14 minutes late, but the winner of this award for this week was still obvious to me. The winner is

Erel Avent

After being beaten by me twice before, Erel unfortunately was given a 3rd match against me. He came online around 11:00, and I saw him viewing our battle thread. He of course no-showed. But that’s not all! Erel made an alias, Gum Work to battle in the league with. Lampejo posted 6 lines against him, and he no-showed against that too! 2 no-shows in a week when he was online and could have posted. Clearly bitch of the week material.

What’s Goin’ Down



Like Yung Joc, a lot of stuff is going down in the league. Here’s an update about some of the upcoming changes and additions to the league.

Disallow Voter Rule

Anyone who’s familiar with the 1-2 league has seen this rule before. Its worked extremely well so its being implemented here. The rule is simple, you may state the name of 1 voter who you do NOT want voting on your battle. You are not required to give a reason, simply state their name at any time BEFORE voting begins on the battle. If you try to state this person after voting begins, it is too late. The reasoning is simple, we all have certain people we would prefer not voting on our battles due to beef or other reasons. This will allow you the opportunity to get more honest votes.

10 Line Minimum Requirement

This rule exists in some other leagues, and I believe it should appear here. I’m sick of seeing battles which are 6 or 8 lines. Usually there is 1 every week. Seriously, 10 lines does not take that long to write so from now on, you must write a 10 line verse or you lose. This does not apply to no-shows, if your opponent doesn’t show up you don’t need to write a 10 line verse. This only applies for battles actually going down.

Verse Deadline Change

Verses will still be due on Thursday, no change there, but verses will not be due at 12:00AM Pacific instead of Eastern. I’m from the East Coast, this rule isn’t to accommodate myself, lol. The reasoning is I have seen a bunch of people over the weeks post verses around 1:00 EST, and I don’t want these people to have to endure a loss for being late. I just think this might cut down on no-show wins so this change is being made.

Recruiting

I want to see this league continue to grow. I’m now going to offer an incentive. If you recruit 5 people into this league, I will add a win to your record. Simply tell all your friends to come here and mention that you referred them when they signup. These 5 must be active members of the league who stick around for awhile or I won’t give you credit for them. Once you have completed this, I’ll give you your win. The sooner the better of course, but you do not need to get all 5 in 1 week, if you get 1 per week for 5 weeks, that will also suffice.

LBL vs. WBL Montly Battle

Kempo mentioned this last week, but we’re going to have a monthly battle against the WBL. This will probably start in January. The best of this league will face off the best of that one. Keep elevating folks, we gotta kick their ass!

The Weekly Bounty

Okay, this is a new thing that’s never been done before, but we’re going to try it out this week. Basically, battles will go on as regular during the week. Friday morning, I’m going to read every verse that has been posted and pick one of the best ones from the week. That person is going to be “The Bounty” Everyone will then have until Sunday morning when I close battles to post a response The Bounty’s verse from the week, feeding of course allowed. Sunday morning, myself and a small panel of voters will decide if any verse in the thread was better than The Bounty. If someone beats The Bounty, that person will receive a free W for their record. More details will be posted about this once The Bounty has been chosen for this week.

Elevation Experts

This league has some very solid heads in it, but everyone can always use elevation. To encourage this, the league will now have “Elevation Experts”. These experts will Nick Fletcher, N. Tavarez, and myself. There will be a separate thread for elevation made here in the LBL. Simply, post your verse in it if you would like the Elevation Experts to respond. The three of us will go beyond saying which lines were quotable and which weren’t, but we will attempt to tell you why each line that wasn’t quotable failed and possible ways to improve it. If everyone listens to the advice you are given, you should elevate much more quickly. In addition, John Hensley has promised to begin writing short tutorials about different topics which should help you all improve. John Hensley is one of the dopest text heads on the net, and we can all learn a lot from him. This will start up in a few weeks when he has some time. I’m hoping some of you guys take this seriously because we want to help you get better.

Talent Minimum

I am adding to this league a talent minimum to compete here. First let me stress, this will not affect 95% of you. We are interested in helping you elevate while here and really just like active members. With that said, there are some people in this league who are just so bad that they are hindering the league. Anyone may still signup for the league, but if you drop REAL AWFUL after your first week, you may be booted. If you key up some garbage, that’ll be enough, I’m talking about the newbies who use // after their bars and have no idea what a punch is. These people will no longer compete here. With that said...

The Boot



It may not hurt as bad as this shoe, but the following people are being given the boot:

- Otto Octavius
- PlayerX415
- K Illa
- Black_Star

You all are more than welcome to rejoin the league if you elevate, but right now your skills are only bringing the league down.

Predictions

LBL Championship Match: 1. Roger Glocks (19-1) vs 2. John Hensley (8-1)

The last time these two guys faced, Hens no-showed. I don’t think that will happen again. This battle should be extremely dope, but I think Glocks time as champ will end with this match.

LBL Condendership Match: 3. Phil Benjamin (5-1) vs 4. Format (3-0)

This is really a tossup right here as these guys are both fairly evenly matched and will come down to who wants this more. I’m gonna go with Phil Benjamin as he’s been a bit more consistent.

5. DaTrusHurtz (18-2) vs 6. Blacksilence (3-1)

Good luck buddy.

7. Wordz Ahgod (2-0) vs 8. Lampejo (2-0)

Both of these battlers occasionally can drop something nice, but are for the most part pretty inconsistent. I could see this going either way, but I’m going with Wordz Ahgod.

9. Nick Fletcher (6-1) vs 10. Appocolyptik (2-0)

This battle should pretty dope, and I’m looking forward to it. Appocolyptik can win this if he continues to show progress over the weeks and come back to his old form, but I think Nick is going to be more eager to get near the top and will take this one.

11. Ace Heratoga (5-3) vs 12. Stanza (9-11)

Ace’s record is pretty deceiving, he’s pretty good, but has run into some good competition. I don’t think Stanza will be able to beat Ace in this one.

13. Sonny Dimebags (16-8) vs. 14. Grams (3-1)

This should be a decent match, it really could go either way. I’m gonna go with Grams taking this, but if he doesn’t try his hardest, Sonny might walk away with the win.

15. Feeble Minded (1-0) vs. 16. Wyte (1-0)

If Feeble Minded tries here, he should take this pretty easily. If not, Wyte could possibly surprise him, but Feeble should be taking this.

17. Ali G (1-0) vs. 18. Joe Native (3-5)

Joe Native is better than his record, but has faced some tough competition. Ali G dropped pretty nice last week. If he drops as nice as he did last week, I think he’ll take this.

19. Final (1-0) vs. 20. TEF (5-5)

TEF has the better concepts, but Final has the better wording. Really a toss-up on who takes this, but I’m going with Final because he’s a bit more consistent.

21. Shiest Lucia (0-1) vs. 22. Prosecuter (0-0)

I almost didn’t even give Shiest a match this week, this won’t be close. Prosecuter will win this.

23. Keyed (0-0) vs. 24. Germ (0-0)

I’m not really too sure, I’ve only seen Germ in 1-2 battles so I’m not sure what he’s capable of. Keyed is from RB and isn’t too bad. I’ll go with Keyed here, but close call.

25. Thoughts (0-0) vs. 26. Infamouz (0-0)

Thoughts sometimes comes a bit played, but does usually drop a few dope lines per verse. I haven’t peeped anything from Infamouz for the last few months so I’m not sure how much he’s elevated. I’m going to go with Thoughts on this one.

27. O RLY? (0-0) vs. 28. Wireless (0-0)

Another close one between RB heads. Really will come down to who comes less played as both sometimes struggle with that. I’m going with O RLY?, but also could go either way.

29. Feeble Mind (0-0) vs. 30. Marvjay (0-0)

I haven’t seen anything from Feeble Mind so I don’t know what to expect. Marvjay is garbage, though, so I expect Feeble Mind to take this.

31. Gemini (0-0) vs. 32. YOUNG PROBLEM (0-0)

This is a battle between newbs, I don’t expect it to be very good. I’ll go with Gemini, but I have no idea.

5 Battles To Watch

1. Roger Glocks vs John Hensley
2. Nick Fletcher vs. Appocolyptik
3. Phil Benjamin vs. Format
4. DaTrusHurtz vs. Blacksilence
5. Sonny Dimebags vs. Grams

Top 10 Power Rankings

10. Feeble Minded - I don’t personally respect this dude at all, but he’s still a talented writer. If he takes this league seriously, he should get near the top.

9. Format – Has had a pretty easy road to the contendership, but has shown potential. If he drops his dopest he has a chance to be in the title match next week.

8. Appocolyptik – Also didn’t drop that well last week, but dropped good enough to win. He’s likely a bit rusty, but can definitely drop pretty dope when he tries to.

7. Ace Heratoga – Didn’t drop that well last week and suffered a tough loss, but definitely has talent and can be a threat when he tries.

6. Phil Benjamin – Got the upset of the week against Ace Heratoga. There’s a good chance he’ll make the title match next week.

5. Te Ora – Posted a cool verse against Glocks, but it wasn’t quite enough. Has enough difficult match this week against Nick Fletcher.

4. Nick Fletcher –Dropped pretty good against Hens, but it wasn’t enough to get to the champ match. He’ll surely climb up the ranks again in the coming weeks.

3. DaTrusHurtz – Scared away Erel, lol. I should be back in the champ match in a few weeks.

2. John Hensley – Got verse of the week against Nick Fletcher. Probably the biggest threat in the league to take the title from Glocks.

1. Roger Glocks – Its getting old seeing Roger at #1. He’s been the top dawg for 8 straight weeks! He has a tough test against Hens this week, lets see how he does.

Outro

I’m pretty excited for this week, some decent battles should be going on. I’m about to go out of town and will be gone until Wednesday night, but I’ll be online periodically throughout the day to answer your PMs if you need anything. Punch hard this week fellas. Pzzzzzz.