Wonder why he can’t get pussy? The game he speaks is wasteful
Women will never get to May as if they all became extinct in April
THE SET UP IS COOL, THE CONCEPT IS VISIBLE AND MAKES SENSE
BUT THE WORDING IN THE 2ND LINE TAKES AWAY FROM IT
"Women will never get to May as if they all " <--THAT SECTION YOU JUST GOTTA FIND A WAY TO WROD IT SO THAT IT FLOOOWS INTO THE PUNCHLINE BETTER

Pass me a pillow before his verse cause when this creep do it?
His text is a K-Fed Concert, we’ll probably sleep though it...
THIS RIGHT HERE IS A KFED CONCEPT THAT UNLESS YOU GOT A NICE FLIP OR KILLER PUNCHLINE IS BETTER LEFT UNUSED
..,And even HE knew it, thinking I’m fake and can’t Spit Ether?
Mayhem’ll get “Beat to death” Like he lost a foot race to the Grim Reaper
LOSE THE "'S"----IF THEY CANT GET IT STRAIGHT UP DONT USE IT
ALSO THE SET UP IS IRRELEVANT TO THE BAR HERE
I’ll cut his Opinions off, the ones he got is hopeless
But I will give him the floor, That’ll be easy when I knock him on it
HOPELESS AND ON IT ONLY RHYMES DEPENDING ON WHAT ACCENT YOU HAVE, AND BECAUSE OF THAT, THIS BAR DOESNT DELIVER LIKE IT WOULD, PLUS THE SECOND HALF OF LINE 2 NEEDS REWORDING TO MAKE THIS PUNCH EFFECTIVE TO THE MAXXXXX
Him in this league is laughable I’ve never killed more gayer
He should be `Russian Da signout like a Soviet Billboard maker
I ACTUALLY LIKE THE CONCEPT OF THIS ONE QUITE FINE
THE DELIVERY IS OK BUT THE SPELLING MAYBE? IS OFF
OR MAYBE THATS HOW YOU INTENDED IT

OVERAL YOU GOTTA JUST WORK ON WORDING YOUR SECOND LINE SO THAT IT HITS MORE FLUENTLY, LIKE JOHN HENSLEY SAYS....WORD IT LIKE YOUR SAYING IT TO YOURSELF OUT LOUD
HOPE THIS HELPS
THAT VERSE WASNT BAD ACTUALLY AND THE CLOSER I LIKED IT