Wonder why he can’t get pussy? The game he speaks is wasteful
Women will never get to May as if they all became extinct in April
REWORDED
This guy gets no pussy. Why? Well, the game he speaks is wasteful
But the real reason May never gets women is coz his fucking looks killed them all in April.

The difference in the wording makes it a stronger punch. And I see you like to keep a tight structure, but don't worry if a word or two drop onto a third line, so long as it flows well. But you see, with your wording the punchline simply says women never get to Mayhem, and to back that you say its like they all became extinct in April. That in itself is a nice concept, but the way I worded it, it has it coming across that he gets no women because his ugly ass looks killed them all in April. Same concept, but with different wording you can put more of a punch to it.

Pass me a pillow before his verse cause when this creep do it?
His text is a K-Fed Concert, we’ll probably sleep though it...
REWORDED
I got my pillow ready 'coz when M's verse is due
He drops bars like a K-Fed Concert even Britney'll be sleepin through

Now, the way you worded it had a choppy flow to it. First off in the setup you end with a question mark and you are not even asking a question. And in the punchline the comma and how you end it makes it come off choppy. It should look how you would actually say it, it should just flow off the tongue easily.

..,And even HE knew it, thinking I’m fake and can’t Spit Ether?
Mayhem’ll get “Beat to death” Like he lost a foot race to the Grim Reaper
REWORDED
Mayhem sucks at text and me I'm packed with sickness
But he'll still beat me to death 'coz my fists'll send him there in double the quickness

Again, your first mistake was ending the setup with a question mark, and then you used speechmarks to force the Beat To Death concept of the punch. And the last mistake was the word "LIKE"... those types of punches are played and only work if you can really make them raw as hell. Also, beat to death like he lost a foot race is kind of too simple. I reworded it to give the punch better flow and flipped the concept entirely. Saying he'll beat me to death and that my fists will send him there... thats a type of punch where it seems like you're giving the dude props and then you flip it on him. I find that they work well in battles, so long as you don't over use them.

I’ll cut his Opinions off, the ones he got is hopeless
But I will give him the floor, That’ll be easy when I knock him on it
REWORDED
Your opinions are pointless, you'll agree with me if ure honest
Even still, you can take the floor when I lay your ass out on it

This concept is pretty played, and it only really works if you make it simple and to the point. Your gonna lay him out, don't sugarcoat it or anything. The way you worded it though, I've found a recurring theme of using commas in places when it is not necessary. Just scrap the commas, tweak a couple of words and your punches will come off sounding a lot better.

Him in this league is laughable I’ve never killed more gayer
He should be `Russian Da signout like a Soviet Billboard maker
REWORDED
Seeing him in this league is funny coz I've never killed more gayer
But my punches'll be havin' him russian da signout faster than a soviet billboard maker

This was a decent punch, you dropped a little apostrophe at the front of the Russian Da signout which may come across as a forcing tactic. Try to refrain from any speechmarks and apostrophes and any symbols unless they are absolutely necessary. Also, with your setup, the way you worded it was choppy and if you kept it that way, you would need a comma after the word laughable. Try adding a word in between just to link the line together for a nice flow. Also, refrain from the "LIKE" punches like I said. Just trying thinking of a different word like I replaced "like" with "faster than".


Overall, your verse has dope concepts but your wording is always choppy. You need to stop using commas and try throwing in a word to link the line up for the nice flow. Also, those played concepts I pointed out, try to refrain from using them. If you look over some battles you may get an idea of whats been done and what hasn't. Try not to use any "LIKE" punches because they really are gay unless worded to perfection. Also, with punches like when you are saying you are gonna knock someone out, ie-the floor line... you need to be fast and to the point. Be as brutal with your wording as you can be, it gives it a better affect. Also, after you've got a punch done, look it over and see if there are any additions or tweaks you can make to have it come across as more of a punch/personal... kinda like I did with the first bar.

Anyway, there are multiple ways how you can word punches.. and I don't presume to think that my ways are the best. I've just shown you a basic idea of what you are doing wrong and how you can improve.

Hope it helps.