PT, you yourself are worshipping a false idol, the worst kind of false idol... One that seems real, and one that you are told is real.

I do not doubt the fundamental teachings of the bible are true, but people twist the shit around to mean all sorts of things and ignore the important parts. The god you love doesnt exist. I am sorry to say it to you, but there is no such thing as what you believe is God. "God" does, however, exist. Worship anything that exists in the correct way and you are worshipping god. If you desire anything that doesn't exist in the world, for example, saviour, wealth, cars, money, then you're fucked. And contrary to popular belief, the only way to get to heaven is to die and start a new existence, IN THIS LIFE. If you don't, doesn't matter, existence is just finished. Bad luck, it doesn't matter, you have already experienced hell and it was your life, stamped into eternity. If you attain heaven, time doesn't hold you back any longer, your existence becomes eternal, but not in the way that the word eternal is used in the english language.

Here is an excerpt from "Become What You Are" by Alan Watts, that you may find interesting:

Every object of search, of desire, is in the end ungraspable and futile. To be delivered from futility, we must stop seeking. To seek God, to desire God, is merely to drag Him down into the level of futile aims, or, in Christian terms, to confuse the Creator with His creatures. Likewise, to desire nirvana is simply to make nirvana another name for ever-elusive pleasure. So long, then, as we think about God, talk about God, seek God, there is no God to be found.

Now, from the standpoint of Western culture, whether ancient or modern, Christian or secular, capitalist or communist, this is the great heresy. For Western culture is dedicated to the belief that there IS a formula for happiness - an answer to the question "What shall I do to be saved?" ...

But there is no Way. Nobody knows the Way. The only way there is is the path of a bird through the sky - now you see it, now you don't. Not a trace left. Life is not going anywhere, there is nothing to be attained. All striving and grasping is so much smoke in the clutch of a dissolving hand. We are all lost - kicked off into a void the moment we were born - and the only way is to fall into oblivion.

This sounds terrible. But this is because it is a half-truth. The other half cannot be put into words. It cannot be described, imagined, thought about. In words, this is the last word: everyone is dissolving into nothing, and no one can help it.

...

Lesson One is: "I give up." What happens now? You find yourself in what is perhaps a rather unfamiliar state of mind. Just watching. Not trying to get anything. Not expecting anything. Not hoping. Not seeking. Not trying to relax. Just watching, without purpose.

I should say nothing about what comes next. To hold out hope, to promise a result, will spoil the whole thing.

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