I honestly liked it. I did a similar concept a year ago, although mine was more of a comical piece, called "I Wanna Be...".

I felt the concept was decent, it was some real shit and not some made up ass. The real life shit issues and thoughts are whats good right now. A lot of people would be thrown by the whole starting almost every line with the word Imagine. It is pretty necessary for the topic of the overall piece, but a lot of dudes find it annoying reading "imagine" over and over again.

Perhaps, if you took it back and rewrote it, it would be better. Maybe try piecing it together in sections of 4 lines.

Like...

Imagine.............................
......................................
.........................................
.........................................
Imagine.............................
......................................
.........................................
.........................................

^ see what I mean, dudes might find it more reader friendly then.

Also, drop the // at the end. I get that people use them to break lines apart but it is really not necessary. You break the lines by starting a fresh one, dudes should be able to pick up on the line breaks and rhymes easily. The // just make a piece look annoying now and "herbish". Yes, that is the word people associate those // with.

Overall though, the concept was real, it was dope. The delivery could be a bit better, maybe get a bit more complex in places. I know you are talking real shit and so imagery is not a major issue, but nobody really likes some basic as hell written piece anymore.

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