Originally Posted by ∆ P E X X

ok listening. the intro, that boom blat thing wasn't really nuts about it. seemed forced like "aw man what can i do to sound edgy and street or add some hype in here" and it just sounded contrived. sounded like not even you believed it. beat's not bad, sounds like some lupe type shit almost, a little basic.

first verse sounded like you tried to put in anything that'll sound complex whether it fit or not. "the anomoly martyring your monopoly"? who's gonna relate to that? talking about coughin and your hand covering it all? i dunno man it just didn't make no sense. your dtyle of rhyming liek the way you form the ideas in your head is just old. like 2001 net-ish on that "say anything that might sound cool to say, and make shit rhyme and that's good enough". no concise thought. I listened to this twice and still don't know what the first verse is about. the hook is tight thoug it seems liek a completely seperate idea from everything else. quality is clear, could use some mids and highs to be clear enough to make out your words evne when you're stuffing extra words in there. the way its EQ'd now there's a lot of 'ear searching' to figure out what you're saying.

second verse comes in and again the content in the verse dont seem to match what the hook is about. talking about jetpacks and baggy robes and what not, just isn't cohesive, its liek you're just talking about anything regardless of relevance, anything that seems liek it might sound cool rhyming together. at some moments in the second verse it seemed liek your rhyme scheme just didn't "lock" like you just picked any word you previously said and rhymed at any random point in the bar and missed the actual bar ends where you just kept talking, or moved on to some other random rhyme, or overextended the pronuncuation of one word to make it seem liek it rhymes. made the flow seem more fragmented than it really was, like the verse were 5 chunks instead of one fluid piece. add to that like i been saying for years now, single sylable rhymeschemes are dead and boring. you gotta raise the bar dude, rhyming one sylable is easy. even mike jones is beyond that b, gotta get with the times. example: "pen is my prozac, page is my culdesac"? what?? those two things aren't even relevant. if you're gonna say your pen is your prozac, make your page be something health related or medicine related, not realestate related, that just makes no sense at all man. Add to that you have a 3 sylable word trying to rhyme with a 2 sylable word, and only one of the sylables rhymes. shit just sounded fucked up man just cobbled together any ol way. didn't really get intersting till your last 4 bars and by then the song was ending, i was like wtf.

at only 2:30 till a fade out song seems remiss without a third verse, but if the third would have turned out disconjointed and random like the other two it might have been better off that way.

and that's real talk.