I was talking about this with my ex last night. I broke up with him because I didn't know what made me happy and I didn't know what I wanted. And I wasn't about to be in a relationship just for shits and giggles. And thats what I did. I was in a relationship for shits and giggles, just to be able to be like hey look someone loves me, which is useless, I guess because in a way, I was depending on him for happiness, but not genuine, happiness, sugarcoated superficial happiness. And depending on someone to make you happy, is not good, because if you lose that person, do you lose happiness.. or? But generally speaking. I guess I just went through a lot of bullshit in my childhood so it's like, I'm not happy, but I'm not upset either. Negative things that would usually shake a person and tamper with their mental don't even have me thinking about it after the fact. And I guess that's a good thing, but it's also a bad thing in a way, because positive things don't really affect me either anymore. So I'm kind of at a.. neutral, as far as emotions go. It doesn't mean I'm a grump all the time or anything, it just means that I'm not easily moved and I'm not necessarly genuinely happy.

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