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Old 03-03-07, 06:38 PM   #3
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
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Posts: 3,248
From: Sask, Canada
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not bad, your flow is pretty good sounds like it could be recorded if you chose to. Your imagery is pretty coo you basically just talkin bout the rap game. Well I just got one opinion to state about one line you had:
from gangster to fantasy, from insane and lyrical crap.
One reason why the game seems to "fall apart" if you might wanna call it's the digrating of other genre within the genre of Rap.
Your rhyme scheme is alright, but if you gonna do a type topical like this you best pack some metaphors and some syllable multiples as well. it was also improve your flow. Another line that I wanna critic is:
and when one is feeling down, fool we all under the weather...
you could make that a metaphore by sayin it like this:
and when one is "falling" down, fool we all under the weather...
Overall not bad I def enjoyed the read and it was not a waste of time. good job man.

rtf here on my open mic called "The Neglected Emo"
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