ok u skiped some places where there should have been a ryhme but there wasnt instead it rhymed with another word that was like 2 bars away... some didnt make sense unless u said it fast.... rhyming is BASIC preskool stuff here... i feel ur just starting but i know u can do a LOT better then this.... really... no real story behind this pice just u saying a bunch of stuff that was irrelevant... step ur game up... read some of the other pieces and see how they mostly all follow a story... or a schem... or a time line... or make a point or something....thats what u need to do... check out some other pieces and look at some old rhymes like the book of life by red bull and Dr. stuff like that....

pce fams. and keep it droping.....
P.s. keep ur head up... i aint dissin on this... it was ehhh... not great.. but atleast it wasnt like my first piece...

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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father.