You Need To Get Complex And Expand You're Word Usage.... You're Structure Killed It In The First Bar... No One Wants To Read After That....... Wordplay Was Evident But You Gotta Expand Way Beyond To Being Able To Link Any 2 Things Together Usin Imagery In You're Head......... Dont Quit..... But Put Some More Effort Into What You've Already Been Doin And Elevate Ya Verse To Something That Doesnt Look So Second Rate