Closer then i thought here.

Trus-i wasn't feelin your 1st bar. I could have been better. the 'somethin' threw it off
Ok concept i guess.

pop-kind of played concept, but the way you were goin with it showed potential. You just worded it badly. could have been alot better. 2nd bar, eh wasn't really feelin at all. Might have went over my head, but it just wasn't there for me.

Trus-2nd bar was ok, card lines are played as well. The overall concept of the line was weak actually. The way you worded it was descent though.

v/trus

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