v/ fame.

Mariah, you're excellent for your age. It's clear that you have all the tools to be a good writer. Your structure is good, flow's good, vocab's not bad.. etc.. infact... i'd even say how you wrote your piece was better than famez.

The thing is... Fames' pieces have a greater level of maturity about them. It doesn't take picture perfect structure and rhyme to make a great piece in my opinion. It takes the ability to tell a story while painting a mental image and keeping the reader intrigued. Your piece just kinda seemed to drone on in my opinion. Try using more describing words and incorporating the five senses into your next piece.

Nice drop fame.

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