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Old 05-10-07, 04:20 PM   #15
Dickard.
A Life Of Chryme
 
Posts: 5,019
From: Boston
IP:

Voted For: Ransum

Invest in pride cuz my flow godly..i've blessed the tides
put tech to spines.. crushing these insect tossin this pest a side /
<b>kinda played but funny, your best line by far haha</b<
new guy wanna flex hes size, but no haps since hes at large with he's breast, guys
coming at you weak.. cuz i fear u'r skill's lack impact like crash landing fly's/
<b>flow was choppy not really a strong punch at all</b>
ok so maybe this'll be u'r last text battle, but he'll standing tall
could hang himself off a hook.. an hes shit still aint off the wall/
<b>wow...meh idk decent but wording needs some tuning</b>
guess he pick'ed the best to mess with.. when the tech spit.. it'll make ya neck twist
impress this.. never! you lack wit.. and couldnt believe in yaself if you act-it/
<b>neck twist-act it? forced rhyme and mutlies.</b>
gun i pack it, if i see beef i eat it then crap it
get beat an bash quick, and cut off like weed when i need it to ash it/
<b>meh okay...nothing really</b>

overall: i think you had one decent bar, your whole verse flucuated from bad flow/structure to forced multies and rhyme scheme. Though i saw a lot of potential for a good verse. Where you started going with multies..yeah it flowed okay...but it took away from the impact of the punch..cuz you were rhyming but the power of punch was not there. and that was ur downfall...along with your structure...tune it up a bit so it flows better so its not as hard to follow brah.

vs.

i admit my rap r low and dont achieve
but with the greed and envy i can believe
<b>just rhymed...no punch</b>
keystyling isnt my strong but songs r wat i live apon
ur raps r wrong and bring in jealousy
i dont really know u but i read around and did my research
ur lookin to get ur teeth murked and bp-vest warped and ripped short
ill rip u so hard ull have uyr family at a funeral in remorse
ur raps couldnt be worse but if u tak ur time and do ur research u might end up in billboards
my rhymes will t-k-o u cuz im t-r-u-2 the g-a-m-e
rock u till the wheels fall off and the bags all empty
ima cut ur balls off and sew them on ur chin
when u walk in a crowd the will grin
ull look back on this and say "yd i let him win?"
peace out. read this remember ur sin.


overallkay i read 2 bars and stopped the line for line, you had no punches incorporated into your entire verse. you just rabeled on like you had no idea what u were doing....maybe cuz u didnt...umm yeah read some tutorials..and dont put urself down in a battle...your suposed to do that to your opponent noob.

v/ransum
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A LIFE OF CHRYME