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Originally Posted by Yvonne
you REALLY gatta ABSTAIN from using that term yo
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You REALLY gotta ABSTAIN from using words like ABSTAIN to kids who obviously don't have a very healthy vocabulary. Especially if you truly want something, and you plan on expressing this desire by verbal or written communcation. It would probably be more appropriate to say it like this.
Listen, some people are obviously offended by the word "nigga". Please do not use it unless it is absolutely needed. And being as how no word is ever absolutely needed, it should be easy.
Now to the piece. It sucked. You claim your rhymes are from the street. That is a lie. The streets don't speak. That would require for the streets to be a living organism that had a brain capable of communication. And since we are talking about rhymes, it would have to be capable of the kind of communication that us humans are capable of. Your rhymes are from your head, which I might add..is obviously not screwed on very tight. Your concept is extremely simple and elementary. Your expression of the concept is even worse. You used more words out of context than i've ever seen before. And you cannot try to have a big vocab, while intentionally mis-spelling words and using words that you hopefully learned in your first year of speaking at the same time. You either have to be 100% articulate(look it up) or not at all.
Also, do not expect people to read something you wrote, when it is a mile long, and you have no suspense what so ever. If you ever want people to read something of that sort of length, try telling a story. Something that people will start reading, and not be able to stop. But before you start that, i would suggest picking up a dictionary, and reading the definitions before you start throwing "big" words around. Asside from using words that didn't make sense to what you were trying to say, those "big" words are what's considered mediocre vocab...AT BEST. Don't listen to all of these people who say nice vocab, or too much vocab. You didn't have either. You need to practice a lot on your writing in general, never the less your ability to write in a rhyme format. Honestly, i would strongly suggest you start reading novels. Or poetry from famous artists. See how they write, and use that as a guideline. Seasoned writers do not mis-spell words intentionally, and rarely do they mis-spell them accidentally. All the music you hear on the radio, all the slang and what not, regardless of how you CAN try to spell the words, that doesn't change the true spelling of them. And to change the true spelling of anything, makes your writing look stupid, and like a toddler wrote it.
Don't get me wrong, i would love to see you, and all other less talented writers elevate, and become respectable. But it bothers the shit out of me to see people like you, who obviously need a lot of work, tell RV not to sleep. You should be asking people for help, and to read your work to critique you..THAT'S IT. don't act arrogant about a writing talent that isn't there......yet.