Quote:
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Originally Posted by Ransum
time to switch an turn the heat up he's style.....
possabilities bother me in the fact it's often a novelty...
can't follow options contractive flossed in philosophies...
I'm in on all offers constantly tryna scholar these minor seeds...
the kind of heathen you is and the style you release is minor league...
I'm major in maths.... YOU out weighed in class...
can't figure or be timin' my speed....when I take belts in fame fast...
dont understand i'll say it in lammer terms...u been pre-quilifiyed for a quick defeet...
grinding on this mother fucker like a skaters...stomping this mother fucker with the dirt from my cleats...
I be up in your crib when you mouth shit...I house take all euipment...
but the bitch started crying that hes blouse rip...
Ima give you a nickel and my two cent s and state i rape brides to be...
erase lives with speech...life on the line I tell them to shut off supplies...
that's currently wired to your system...to nerveless from these nervous butterflies...
in stomachs I'm cuttin' blunt with instruments...and spreadin' what's gutted nice...
depth sinkin with butter knives...flesh peels like the skin when I've sonned you from skies...
you above me - son that's a lie...the height of this lord writer is comin' raw to all those under his size...
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The other two verses are the kind of stuff where there's nothing specific I can tell you to help you improve. Your flow seems at home in those verses, and content will just improve automatically as you read more rhymes, hear more rhymes and write more rhymes.
This verse I quoted is where you went wrong. Most of it was totally forced, which dampens any impact it may have had. I'll explain... Multies are pretty hard to do, and if your vocabulary isn't up to par you will end up forcing your multies trying to sustain rhymes. Using words and phrases that are unrelated, disjointed, or out of place, solely for the sake of making the multies work. It's better to just forget about a multie and write lyrics that are harmonious than to force multies and end up with a verse that flows but doesn't really say anything.
A good way to go about it is to think of what you want to say and then make it rhyme. Going about things in this way means your piece will have maximum impact and really convey your point. It's things like this behind the scenes that make a real difference in rhyme quality. It works a lot better than thinking of a rhyme first and building lines around that, trying to fill up the space. It's all about impact. I'll do an example:
"cut ya with knives, you'll have blades stuck in ya eyes
rupture ya thighs and ill use your guts as a tie"
It rhymes, but it's completely stupid and it says nothing. Tell-tale sign of wackness. It's just filler. Instead of just randomly rhyming about violence, let's try thinking of a message to convey and then making it rhyme... I want to convey that after hearing my lyrics, the opponent will lose all will to live and kill themselves.
"Normally I target necks with knives, sneaking up from behind...
This time I'd rather spend my time bustin' a rhyme.
My aim's still the same, it won't be any less gory,
It's just that my game's so insane *insert name* will cut his throat for me."
Sure, it might not rhyme like the other one, but at least it has a clear-cut goal and some sort of impact. This is also just one of many ways to convey the original message. In constructing the lines, I had a lot of different options, and could pick whichever one I wanted to. I could have chosen another form of suicide, I could have used more multies, I could have condensed it to two lines. Just randomly flowing, or building lines around rhymes closes off your options and limits the potential of the lyrics.
I know your verse was intended as a diss to rev's style in that OM he dropped before, but I'm just saying this in case you want to improve your delivery of that style and incorporate it into your own.