Danm...
cuz im puerto rican so i wasnt feeling a line or 2 in there....
but its all good its just a verse right??

now this is like the same kind of level the other one was at?
why drop a keystyle in open mic?
they got cyphers for that called key your heart out...

but the flow was aight..
the concept wasnt to good...
the creativeness level was low...

aight let me see...

yo try listing to the hottest song u think was ever made or either the hottest beat ever made... listen to it for a few min it and write down whatever comes to mind.... after u done re-read it and fix err'as or things u feel shouldnt be there... then try fixing things u see that maybe to simple with no punch... try adding a bit of multis to get ya flow better... and word-play do help as long as u got the right words to play with...

thats what i do listen to a hot beata nd then go off that then re-write it or try to make it sound better....

dont just drop whatever u got fix it then re-read it spit it out loud then if it sounds good drop it....

u will get better....

i also give this a 5 outta 10...