i was really feeling the first 12-13 lines....after that it seems u were angry and the lines were seeming forced.....you calmed it down towards the end though the last 6-7 lines and it went smooth....good creativity on this....i see you were just tryin to do a topic instead of a keystyle verse ....which is real good cause u wanted to try something new....but remember u dont always have to have a punchline or sound like u tryin to be humorous.....some lines i saw u attempting a punch or were tryin to sound funny....it dont always have to be that way though for a topic written ....i would save the punches and the humor lines for keystyles or battles.....overall nice shit keep doing what u do man.....~1~ 8/10.....

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B.E.S.T.....HAHA