eh.....structure is a no no here

try doin it like so...

rhyme like this and maybe itll appeal to most//
and if u got that crack times 2....give em a dose//

or

in other case u can leave the slashes out
and just floss ur structure like when cash is out

metaphors and similies help to spicin ur ish up......flow was coo....but u need a lil flavor....concept is played but w/e peep my silent treatment piece if u need some examples of metas and similies and wordplay